Extreme Latte

As mentioned previously...hipsters don't do sports. They do past times. And one of the real problems with sports as that as time has gone on, sports have become more and more extreme. We must now dangle helmet-less off a 10,000 foot cliff or skateboard sideways downhill on a metal rail, or run mach III with our hair on fire to even get a hint of a thrill. If it doesn't leave you missing a patch of hair or clutching your nuts, it wasn't a sport. This is why the hipster movement has essentially avoided anything that required wearing shorts. However, hipsters have their own version of extreme... coffee. You laugh. I heard that. But I ask you this... what Favre is Judas t-shirt wearing Lambo field GB Packers fan...has EVER dared to drink a venti Starbucks black. Yep, no half and half. No splenda. Exactly. Any normal suburban ESPN hound armchair quarterbacking on Monday morning would simultaneously piss and shit themselves drinking extreme black coffee. So I say to you hipsters out there... if you ever are feeling wussy as you're untangling your iPod headphones when some asshole in a fakey-fakester NFL jersey walks by and kicks your Jack Spade messenger bag, just run your tongue along that flat spot where your retainer was and let your eyes water from that first sip burn ... knowing... that dude's got nothin' on you. He's ordering a frappuccino. Nice green extra-long straw...asshole. Hipsters rule. (We just do it quietly).